hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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