Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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