u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
