I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize