her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
