Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
