it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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