the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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