I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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