Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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