8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
