i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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