If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
