p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
