i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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