cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
