Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
