I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
