i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
