a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize