Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
