If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
