Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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