so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
