Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
