OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
