At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
