Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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