Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
