I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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