Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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