Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
