No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
