i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
