two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
