you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
