She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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