I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
