Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
