it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize