dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
