Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize