you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
