i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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