sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
