I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
