Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
