definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
