just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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