It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
