end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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