the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize