This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
