omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
