i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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