I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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