That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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