i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
