me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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