that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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