you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
