p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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