clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
