Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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