I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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