I didn't shave. On purpose
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
