My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
