I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
