the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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