yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
