She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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