How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
