Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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