fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
