You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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