It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
