just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
