shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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