So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
