Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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