I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
