so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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