yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
