So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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