I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Someone signed my nipple.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize