If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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