Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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