Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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