I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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