All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
