he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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