Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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