Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
