People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
