I will die if light touches me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
