Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
