yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
