Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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