Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
