We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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