Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
