Me. At least after what I've been through.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
