Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
