Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
