I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
