I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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