at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
